Lonely Boy
by Didde
Summary: Luke fels alone in the world, will Noah be able to help him?
1. Prologue

Title: Lonely Boy  
Chapter: 1/?  
Rating: G  
Summary: Luke´s alone in the world  
Characters: Luke, Holden, Lily  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

11 year old Luke Snyder was lying in bed, but his rest was, by no means, a peaceful rest. He had been woken up more times than he could remember, by his parents arguing.

He listened to them, yelling at each other and he knew that at one point, the argument would turn to him. He had always been a reason for his parents to fight, and after his grandmother died, a couple of months ago, they seemed to hate each other even more.

"Would it kill you to be a little nicer to him?" he could hear his mother yell through his bedroom door, "he´s your son."

"He is not my son," Luke heard Holden yell, "if you wouldn´t have run of and had an affair, he wouldn´t be here."

Luke turned onto his side and felt as a tear rolled down his check. He picked up a spare pillow from his bed and pressed it down on his ear, trying to make the world silent.

But he couldn´t keep the words `he´s not my son´ ringing in his head. He squeezed his eyes tight but the tears still rolled down his cheeks.


	2. A new day at school

Title: A new day of school  
Chapter: 1  
Rating: G  
Summary: Luke and Noah meet, Luke has a flashback  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Charlene,  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

AN: Aaron is the only "real" son of both Lily and Holden, but Luke is the result of a result of an affair Lily had with Damian, who left before Luke was born.

Charlene (Noah´s mother) and Winston are married.

17 year old Noah Mayer walked down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, where he watched his mom, cooking breakfast. "Good morning mom," he said and kissed her and the cheek.

"Good morning son, did you sleep ok?" she asked as she sat a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Noah.

"Yes," said Noah as he began to eat his breakfast. "Where´s dad?" he asked around a mouthful of eggs. Charlene gently slapped him on the head and said: "Don´t speak with food in your mouth."

"Sorry," Noah said after he swallowed the eggs. Charlene smiled at him and said: "He´s at work. Hurry up, you´re gonna be late to school."

Noah scooped the last eggs onto his fork and eats it, before standing up and putting his plate in sink. "I´m off, wish me luck." He said as he lifted his backpack from the floor. "See you later, mom. Love you." He yelled as he walked out to his truck and got in.

Luke´s groaned as his alarm went off and opened his eyes. He looked around the old cottage; it just looked like a big shed. When his grandmother was alive, the farmhands used to live here, but after she died Holden said that he was to busy to handle the farm work and had sold all the animals and land surrounding it.

"_But Holden," Luke had said as he followed him up the stairs to his room. "Get your shit packed together and get out of here."_

"_But where am I supposed to live?" asked Luke and bite himself in the cheek. He didn´t want to give Holden the satisfaction of seeing him crying. _

"_I don´t care," Holden said as he opened the door into Luke´s room. Luke stood frozen to the ground. "What about ... the cottage," he stammered and looked at Holden with big eyes._

"_I´m not having a faggot living under my roof," said Holden and Luke could feel his eyes well up. _

"_I´ll pay you, whatever you want," Luke said desperately trying to make sure he still had a roof over his head._

"_Ok," Holden said after a few tense moments. "But I want you out in an hour, " he said, turning around and walking down the stairs. Leaving Luke standing alone at the top._

Luke shivered as he stepped out of the showers. He quickly dried of and got dressed. He rubbed his stomach as it rumbled and made his way to the refrigerator and opened it. He looked inside the gaping empty refrigerator and pulled out a dry piece of toast and some cheese.

As he sat at the table eating his breakfast, Luke stirred out over the fields once belonging to his grandmother and couldn´t help feel a stab to the heart, he really missed his grandmother – sometimes when he was feeling really down he wished he had the courage to join her, where ever she was, but he always chickened out in the last moment.

Noah pulled into the school´s parking lot and made his way to the office. He had been told to report there for his senior year at Oakdale High School. It had always been a dream of his to study film at OU. So when his father, a retired colonel in the army, had been offered a job at a local bank as a security guard they had all moved to Oakdale.

After reporting at the office he was told to go to class with a note to give to the teacher. He walked into the seemingly empty classroom and looked around. He looked around for a place to sit and saw a blond haired man sitting at the front desk, just by the door.

"Good morning," Noah said and watched as the blond lifted his head and he was met with his dark, brown eyes. The blond just looked at him for a moment before once again lowering his head to look in his book again. Before Noah could say anything the bell rang and people started rushing in the classroom.

Noah looked at the blond once again before shaking his head and made his way up to the teacher to give him the note and to introduce himself to the teacher and the rest of the class.


	3. The new boy

Title: The New Boy  
Chapter: 2  
Rating: G  
Summary: Read and find out  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Casey, Maddie, Aaron and many more  
Genre: AU, drama, angst  
Warnings: Self harm  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

_The razorblade felt cool in his hand and there was a heaviness about it. He starred out into the room for what seemed like hours and a sudden sound of a bird chirping outside shook him back to conscious._

_His eyes shifted to his wrist and he felt his heart pounding in his eyes, and he could practically see his pulse beating against the thin skin on his wrist. _

_The hand which was clutching the razorblade moved, by what seemed like its own free will, to hover over his wrist. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as his mother´s voice assaulted him._

"_You stupid boy, what the hell is wrong with you? Why can´t you be more like Aaron?" she towered over him and he tried to made himself as little as possible. _

"_I´m sorry," he stammered and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. _

"_Holden was right, I should never have had you," she shrieked and stomped out off the kitchen, leaving Luke sitting alone by the kitchen table. _

_He blinked his eyes open and tried to look through the unshed tears. As he lowered the razorblade so that it rested against the middle off his arm, the tears began to run down his cheeks. And as he ran the blade down the length of his arm, he began sobbing._

_He felt worthless._

_He felt useless._

_He looked at the blood, pouring out of the wound, and felt the disappointment ooze out of the wound. Instead a sense of calm and numbness claim him. He felt something fury against his leg and looked down to see his cat rubbing against it._

_He picked it up and held it tightly against his chest. He could feel the stinging in his wound and concentrated on that instead of the black hole, which seemed to have swallowed his heart. _

Luke felt a presence and looked up from the math book, and looked up at the blued beauty standing over him. He felt his body go into defense mode, but the brunette just smiled. Before Luke could do anything the bell rang and the room soon filled with people.

The bell rang and the classroom erupted with students talking. Noah looked as the blond quickly packed his back and made his way out of the room. Noah started packing his backpack to follow the blond; he could still see the loneliness in the blond eyes.

Noah stood stunned as the blond made his way of out the door and disappeared. A sudden hand on his shoulder made him jump and turn and looked into the face of a striking blond. Before he had a chance to open his mouth, the other boy spoke up: "Hi, I´m Casey," and held his hand out for Noah to shake.

"I´m Noah," and shook Casey´s hand. Together they walked out of the classroom and made their way out into the parking lot. Noah kept looking after the blond, until he finally saw him getting into a beat up car; it looked like it was falling about if you looked at it.

"MADDIE!" Noah heard Casey yell and he saw a brunette girl walking towards them, while talking to her friends. They smiled at Noah before Casey leaned down and kissed Maddie hard on the lips. "Hi, I´m Megan," the friend said and leaned towards Noah with her hand stretched out in front of her. No doubt showing of her cleavage to Noah, he couldn´t help but smile.

"Hi, I´m Noah," he said and shook her hand. He watched the girls look at each other and squeal, and know he had to bite his cheek, trying not to break out into a grin.

"You´re late," Henry yelled at Luke as he ran past the office. Luke slowly walked back to the door and stopped in the doorway. "I´m sorry," he said and ducked his head and looked towards the floor.

"Well hurry up, or I´m gonna take it from your pay," Henry said without looking up. Luke nodded and hurried out into the dinner and start his work.

He blew out a long breath as he watched Maddie, Casey, Megan and what seemed like half their class walk into the dinner at a table, there hadn´t been cleared jet. At the back of the group came Aaron and his girlfriend of the week, Melissa.

He hurried to the table and tried to clear it as fast as he could, but not without hearing Casey loudly say. "That´s about time, f'aggot," and the rest of the group roared up with laughter. Luke felt his ears burning and tried to work even faster but instead he dropped a plate on the floor.

As he got down on his knees to pick it up he suddenly heard someone say: "ops," and then he felt something very cold and sticky run down his neck. Luke shuddered as, what seemed like the whole dinner, roared up with laughter. He blinked fast a couple of times to keep the tears from forming, and stood up and hurried to finish. The laughter followed him into the kitchen.


	4. Life sucks

Title: Life Sucks  
Chapter: 3  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Luke has another flashback, and Noah comes home from school  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Casey, Maddie, Kevin, Winston, Charlene  
Genre: Drama, AU, angst  
Warnings: very sad Luke  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

.com/watch?v=UdpYb1YGtYs (please play the song. Don´t own the song or the video)

Luke stood by the sink, trying to wash the dried milkshake out of his shirt, when his eyes got his reflections in the mirror, the old radio playing in the background. He looked as tired as he felt and his stomach gave a loud grumble.

"Loser," the word slipped from his lips without caution and he stared in his eyes. What did it matter if he said it himself, everyone else said it. Angrily he crumbled up the shirt and threw it into the corner of the room, and stood for a moment frozen as he puffed long breaths of air.

"_Maddie, hi," Luke said and gave his best friend a hug. Together they walked to the swings and sat down, and succumbed to the silence around them. It was the last day of summer, just before the school started and Luke watched the different people hurry past them, to get where ever they were going. _

_He looked down at the ground and then up at Maddie. "Maddie," he whispered and watched as she turned towards her. "What?" she asked as she saw the look in his eyes. "I think I´m gay," he whispered more to the ground but he heard her intake of air, and knew that she heard him. _

"_Why?" was all she asked and he looked at her face, searching her eyes for something. "I think I´m in love with Kevin," he answered and she nodded her understanding. She smiled and he smiled back, relieved that he had told somebody and hadn´t been rejected._

_School started and all seemed all right, but one day after math class had ended, Luke walked into the cafeteria and froze, sitting at the `cool´ kids table was Maddie with Casey´s arm around her. He looked at her and she must have felt him staring because she looked at him to. Casey, Kevin and the others at the table noticed him too. "It´s the f'ag," Kevin yelled and the rest of the table started laughing too. Luke watched Maddie as she started laughing too and he turned to walk out of the cafeteria. _

"_Look, he´s running away, the coward." Maddie´s voice floated after him, as he ran into the bathroom and cried silent tears._

"LOSER!" He yelled as he looked at his reflection in the mirror again. He noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks in clear lines. He lifted his hand and with strength, surprising himself, he hit it his fist as hard as he could against the wall next to the mirror. He cried out of pain and cradled his fist against his chest as he walked to the mattress on the floor, where he laid down, staring at the ceiling.

"Hi honey," the voice of his mother greeted him as he entered the house. "Hi, mom," he said and walked up to her and kissed her cheek.

"How was your first day?" His father asked him as he too walked into the kitchen, coming home from work.

"It was good," Noah said and walked to his room with his pack back. "I´m gonna start my homework," he said over his shoulder, and walked to his room.

Pulling out a book from his back, he opened it and started reading but his mind drifted back to those brown eyes, so deep and so filled with sorrow and something else, he wondered what had happened in the blonde's life.

"Noah," his dad said and shook his shoulder. "Are you all right son?"

"Yes, dad. Didn´t hear you," he said and tried to get the beating of his heart under control. "You scared me," Noah said after a few seconds.

"You were pretty far away. I called you twice and you didn´t even react, what were you thinking about?"

"Just a boy from school," he said and saw the big grin on his dad´s face. "Will you cut that out?" he hit his father's arm as he walked past him to get to the door.

"What? I didn´t say anything." Winston tried to defend as he followed Noah into the kitchen and sat down.

"I could see it on your face. Calm down, I just met him today, I don´t even know if he´s gay or straight." Noah said as he too sat down at the kitchen table.

"Know if whose gay?" his mother asked and looked at Noah. Noah just groaned and shook his head at his parents before grumbling: "Nobody mom."


	5. Meeting the new boy

Title: Meeting the new boy  
Chapter: 4  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke and Noah talk  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Emma, Holden, Lily, Aaron, Charlene  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

Whenever Luke would think about finding someone, someone to share the rest of his life, he used to think about someone like Kevin or Casey, someone with sandy, blonde hair, going in every direction.

Someone with compassionate, kind green eyes and someone who loved him, but lately he wondered if he would ever find someone at all. Nobody noticed him and it seemed like everyone could care less about him.

"Is this seat taken?" A deep, male voice shook him out of his thoughts. He looked up into the bluest eyes, he had ever seen. It felt like his tongue swell to two times the normal size, and he just shook his head no, and watched as the boy sat down next to him.

"I´m Noah," the boy said and Luke could see a hand being offered for him to shake. For a moment he just stared at it, but then he grasped the hand and after clearing his throat, said a soft and shy: "Luke." He felt the instant electric current running through his body and for a moment, he was too stunned to do anything.

Luke looked down into his book again, but could feel the brunette looking at him. After what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes, he glances up under his bangs and saw the bluest eyes looking back at him.

"What?" Luke whispered, feeling uncomfortable under the stare. "Nothing," Noah answered and turned back to finding his own books in his bag.

Just then the bell rang and the class filled with people and chatter. "Hi," said a male voice and Noah looked up, and saw a boy standing there. "Why are you sitting _there_, with that f'aggot?" he looked disgusted at Luke.

"Places everyone and quiet down," said the teacher, stopping Noah from answering. Noah kept glancing at Luke, but the blond never lifted his head from the book.

"And now I have some group questions for you," the teacher voice brook through Noah´s thoughts. He watched as the class scrambled to find their groups, but the blonde didn´t seem to move a muscle. He just sat there working in his book. "Do you want to work together?" Noah leaned into Luke and whispered, he saw the blonde almost shiver.

Luke looked up and looked deep into Noah´s eyes, he seemed to be looking for something. After a few moments, he nodded his head and looked down at the questions again.

"Hi mom," said Noah when the door opened and Charlene walked in. "Hi honey," Charlene said and walked into the kitchen with the groceries. "So how was your day?" Charlene asked when Noah walked into the kitchen to grab an apple. "It´s was good," he said and took a bite of the apple.

"That´s good," Charlene smiled at her son, pulling out items for dinner. "I´m going to do my homework," said Noah and walked out of the kitchen.

Luke felt like he was ready to drop, when he walked through his door at 11pm. His feet were tired and all he wanted to do was sleep for a hundred hours straight.

He sighed and looked into his fridge, seeing there was nothing. He pulled out a dry piece of toast and a slice of cheese. He had to do some shopping tomorrow.

He sat down at the table and pulled out books from his bag. The brunette boy had been in his thoughts all day, his blue eyes and his wavy brown hair; which Luke really wanted to run his fingers through.

After finishing his homework, Luke sighed and looked around the cabin and sighed. In his mind he imagined what the brunette would say if he saw this. He would probably run away and never talk to him again.

As Luke is crawling into the bed, he looked up and saw a picture of his grandmother. He felt his heart drop into his stomach and tears reach his eyes. "I miss you grandmother," and sniveled, he closed his eyes and felt a tear make its way down his cheek.

_Luke was standing in a field, he looked around and saw his mother standing in the other end of the field. "Mom!" he yelled and started to run up to her, but he never could get close enough to her. "Mom wait for me," he yelled when he saw her walking away. _

"_Mom, it´s me Luke," he yelled again and ran even faster. But he could never get to her._

"_Mom!" he suddenly heard Aaron´s voice running towards Lily with Holden walking behind him. Luke watched as Aaron and Holden reached Lily. He watched her smile as she wrapped her arms around Aaron and Holden, and together they started to walk away. _

_Luke stood frozen to the ground, all he could do was stare at them as they walked away and after a few minutes, they had disappeared. _

"_What about me?" He whispered. _

Luke jerked away and for a few moments he just sat there, staring out into the dark room, panting. He looked at the alarm clock and saw that there was only an hour, before he had to get up.

He walked to the dresser and saw it. He picked it up and walked with heavy steps to the table, where he sat down. He opened the book and the first image made his eyes water, and he could barely see the picture. He blinked a couple of times and focused, and picked up a picture of him and his grandmother. The picture was taken on his 10th birthday, and it portrayed Luke and his grandmother, smiling to the camera. Emma had her arms around him.

"_Happy birthday, honey," she said and put an enormous cake in front of him with eleven candles in it. "Make a wish."_

_Luke squeezed his eyes tightly shut and after a few moments, he opened them again and blew the candles out, making Emma smile and laugh._

"_Who wants a piece?" She asked as she moved to get a knife to cut the cake. But before Luke could answer, the screen door opened and Holden walked in with Aaron walking right behind him. Luke bowed his head and looked down at the table, trying to make himself as small as possible._

"_What the h'ell is going on here?" Holden asked angrily._

"_We are celebrating Luke´s birthday," Emma answered as she cut a piece of the cake and put it on the plate, sliding it in front of Luke. _

_Without another word Holden and Aaron walked out, leaving Luke and Emma alone in the kitchen._


	6. Trying to survive in a cold world

Title: Trying to survive in a cold world  
Chapter: 5  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke and Noah meet again  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Holden, Aaron, Winston, Charlene  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

Luke groaned as his alarm clock rang, he felt like he just went to bed 5 minutes ago. Sighing, he stood up and stretched before making his way to the small bathroom. As he stood under the shower his thought drifted to Noah, the blue eyed student, who hadn´t seemed to gotten the memo yet – that Luke was not a person to befriend but instead some to torment.

He turned off the water and quickly dried off, before getting dressed. His stomach gave a loud rumble, but he couldn´t do anything to settle it, as his refrigerator was as empty as his bank account. `Maybe I can get something at work?´ he thought while making his way out to the beat up truck.

Walking inside the dinner, he quickly walked into the back setting his stuff in the small closet before walking out into the kitchen to start working.

Noah ran around the corner and saw that Luke was working inside the dinner. He stopped running and for a couple of minutes he just stood there staring at the blond.

His feet walked towards the door, it seemed like they had a mind of their own. He saw the blond turning around, and he saw him catching his breath. Noah flashed a smile to the blond and after a few tense moments, he saw the blond hesitantly smile, before lowering his eyes to the ground.

"Hi Luke," he said as he made his way to a table and sat down. He followed Luke with his eyes as a blush rose on his cheeks, before he picked up a menu and made his way to him with it. When Noah took the menu from Luke´s hand, their hands accidently touched and Noah saw Luke shiver and Noah wondered if he too felt the electric current running through him.

"How are you doing?" Noah asked as he set the menu down on the table. He saw Luke shifting from the left foot to the right before he looked nervously at the door into the back. He turned back around and said in a small voice: "Fine, how about you?"

"I´m great," Noah said and smiled again at the blond. The blond smile again but then his stomach gave a loud rumble. Noah couldn´t help but grin but Luke tensed and when he heard Noah´s laughter his face burned from embarrassment, and he quickly turned around and disappeared into the back.

Noah felt bad for Luke, he hadn´t been laughing at him. He kept sitting at the table, but when the blond didn´t come back out; he rose and made his way outside. He looked back into the dinner and saw Luke make his way out into the dinner. He thought about going inside again, but he didn´t deciding he would talk to Luke another day, he ran back home again.

Luke heard the bell chiming over the door, indicating that someone had either gone out or been coming in. He hoped that it had been the brunette walking out, he couldn´t face him – he was simply too embarrassed.

"I don´t pay you to stand here, doing nothing," Henry´s deep voice sudden in his ear at the same time as he felt Henry squeeze his right bicep. He winced at the grip on his arm before mumbling a "sorry". He felt Henry shoving him towards the door to the dinner and he had to brace himself against it, before walking out into the dinner again. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that the brunette was gone.

Luke was beyond hungry. It had been around teen before he had gotten anything to eat. He was too scared to ask Henry if he could make something for himself, but when he had to clear a table where there only had been eaten a few bits out of it. He carefully wrapped it in napkins before hiding it in his apron. After he had taken the dirty dishes to the washer, he dashed to the bathroom and after locking the door, he wolfed it down in what seemed like two bites.

Embarrassment burned in his cheeks when he looked himself in the mirror, he hoped that his grandmother wasn´t looking down at him right now. She would only be disgusted with him.

Luke stood in a thrift store; he was trying to figure out what he needed the most, a new pair of sneakers or a couple of boxers. He looked down at his sneakers and saw a hole above his big toe; it was just before it was poking out. But his boxers had more holes in them, and he didn´t think they would handle another wash.

"Excuse me, dear. Do you need any help?" a voice asked behind him. Luke jumped and turned around, still with the sneakers and boxers in his hands. He looked up into the face off an elderly woman. He smiled at her at her, and softly said: "No, I´m fine," he said and smiled back at her.

She looked him up and down, before she smiled at him and said: "Let me see what I can do, follow me." She walked to the register, and reached for her purse. Luke opened his mouth but before he could say anything, she said: "Now hush, you clearly need both. You look like you need some food too." She took out her wallet and before Luke could say anything, she had paid for a new pair of sneakers and some boxers too. She held out 20 dollars towards him, and when he made an attempt at saying something, she shook her head and said: "Take it and promise you´ll go buy some food, you look like you haven´t had anything in weeks."

Without saying anything, he reached out shyly and grasped the bag with clothes, and the money with the other hand. He felt a lump forming in his throat and tears forming in his eyes. He looked at her and said: "Thank you very much; it was to kind of you." She made her way out in front of the register and wrapped her arms around him. "Take care of you," she whispered into his ear and Luke heard her snivel.

After walking out and getting into his truck, Luke drove to the nearest store and bought some food, before driving back home. As he got out of the truck he looked towards the house, where Holden and Aaron lived. He could hear them watching something on TV and then laughing. Luke felt a ache in his heart and for a second, he wondered what it would be like sitting in there with them, watching the TV and making jokes. Instead he was an outcast.

A nobody.

"Dinner," Winston poked his head in the doorway to Noah´s room and saw him lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling. "Is something wrong, son?" He asked as he walked into the room and sat down on the bed. For a few moments Noah continued to look at the ceiling, like he hadn´t heard his father. But then he turned his head and looked at him and said: "no dad, everything is fine."

"Are you sure, son?" Winston asked and gently laid a hand on Noah´s shoulder after he had sat up in the bed. "You know you can tell me anything," he said and gave Noah´s shoulder a squeeze.

"I know dad, let´s go eat," Noah said and got out of the bed but his father´s voice stopped him: "Noah, are you sure there´s not something you want to tell me?"

"I love you dad, but I need to figure this out myself first dad," he said and turned to face his father. "Let´s go eat," he said and smiled at his father, who smiled back after a few moments.

"I love you too, son," Winston said and wrapped an arm around Noah, and together they walked downstairs.


	7. Giving Up

Title: Giving up  
Chapter: 6  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke fights the rest of the world  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Emma, Aaron, Casey, Mr. LaDue  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings: sad, sad Luke  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

_Luke remembered his 5__th__ birthday, his grandmother Emma had showed up in his daycare with the biggest cake little Luke had ever seen. He remembered running up to her and hugging her legs before she lifted him up in her arms, where Luke had flung his arms around her neck and hugging her, after giving her a big kiss on her cheek. He remembered hearing her laughing as she hugged him tight to her body._

_She had put him down on a stole at the table where the cake stood on, he remembered looking at it and thinking that, that was the coolest cake someone had ever made. He looked around at all the other kids who were starting to get seated around the table, and he smiled. Because he knew that they were there to celebrate him._

Luke woke with a gasp and blinked his eyes, and for a few moments he just laid there and stared up into the ceiling. He wished that he could make today be over just by blinking his eyes. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and kept them closed for a few seconds, before he dared to open them again. Groaning he got up from his bed and ran a hand his hair. He made his way to the small bathroom where he quickly striped out of his clothes and stepped under the cold water.

_The first birthday after his grandmother had died; Luke opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. He felt a stab in his heart when he thought about his grandmother not being there. He looked at the picture standing on his desk, a picture of him and his grandmother. Her with her arms around him and they were both smiling at the camera._

_The next thing that caught his attention was an envelope, which had obviously been placed on his desk sometime during the night before. He quickly opened it and he felt like crying out. Inside was 10 dollars, no card or anything. He looked at the picture again and felt a tear make it's down his right cheek. _

Turning off the water, Luke stepped out of the shower and dried off. He made his way to the small closet and got dressed. Taking a few steeps he stopped in front of the fridge and opened it, staring blankly into it.

_The first time Luke had celebrated his birthday in the shed, he turned 15. The day before he had been out and bought some things, he really wanted to try to give himself a good birthday. He had even bought a gift and placed it on his table where he would open it while he was eating breakfast, just like he used to do with his grandmother, when she was alive._

_But nothing had gone like Luke had planned. He had tried to make bacon, and cried out every time the grease stung his skin, but instead it had burnt. He had tried to cook eggs like his grandmother used to, but they failed as well. At least he sat down at the table with a piece of toast, the overcooked eggs and burnt bacon. _

_After he finished eating he pushed his plate away and picked up his gift. He turned it over a couple of times in his hands before he started to rip off the ribbon and the paper. He looked at the gift, an empty booklet, and his vision blurred. How pathetic was this? Everything had failed and nothing was like it was supposed to. Giving into the tears, he started sobbing as he leaned in over the table. Resting his head on his forearms he cried his heart out, whishing that he had someone in his life._

_Wishing that he was somebody and not someone invisible. _

_

* * *

_

The bell rang and people rushed out of the classroom, but Luke stayed where he was. He kept his head down and kept working, trying to get his homework done. Suddenly a figure stopped in front of Luke and he heard that someone clear it´s throat. He glanced up and saw Maddie standing there, smiling. She had her hands behind her back, as if she was hiding something. Luke smiled back but wondered what Maddie was doing there.

"Hi, Luke," Maddie said. "Hi Maddie," Luke said and for a couple of seconds they just stared at each other. "Happy birthday," Maddie suddenly said and her smile widened. "I´ve got you something," she said. Luke couldn´t believe it, they hadn´t talked for a long time, and now Maddie was standing in front of him. And it seemed like she was trying to mend things.

"Really?" He asked and then he saw it. She was smirking at him and then she started laughing. "No, I can´t believe you felt for that loser," she said and laughingly made her way back to Casey, who threw his arm around her, pulling her into his body, and kissed her long and hard.

Luke could feel the tears sting in his eyes and blinked rapidly. "Loser," he mumbled to himself but before he knew what hit him, he was being hauled up by a hand around his left bicep and then he was pressed to the wall with an arm against his neck.

Luke blinked and struggled to breathe right, he quickly shook his head as he looked into the angry eyes of Aaron. "Hi, what´s going on here?" A voice asked and they both looked towards it, standing there was Noah.

"Do you have something to say, f'aggot?" Aaron asked as he put a little more pressure on Luke´s neck causing him to start gasping for breaths. Unable to speak Luke could do nothing but shake his head. Glaring at him one more time Aaron released his hold on Luke and walked back to the group. Luke started coughing loudly, trying to get air into his lungs again.

"Are you alright?" asked Noah as he glared at the group in the back of the classroom, Luke just nodded as he took three big gulps of air and slowly made his way to his seat.

Luke watched the teacher walk in and turned towards the floor where his bag was. He stuck his hand in but quickly retracted it; he reached inside again and confirmed what he already knew. He pulled out the book he needed for class and it was dripping wet. Just then the teacher walked by and saw it; he stopped and turned walked with fast steps towards Luke´s desk.

"What is this?" Mr. LaDue asked as he picked up the dripping wet book. Luke just sat there, looking down into his desk, when suddenly something hard hit him on top of his head. He cringed as the rest of the class laughed, and Luke looked up into Mr. LaDue´ eyes. "I don´t know, sir," he answered in a small voice.

The book once again hit him and Luke couldn´t help the flinch running through his body. "Stop," a sudden voice said and he saw Noah standing up and walking over to stand next to the teacher. "Hitting him isn´t going to help," he said and looked at Luke, who was trying to shrink down to his smallest possible size and his heart went out to the blonde.

"That's enough, sit down Mayer. And Luke," he said the name like Luke was nothing but a piece of gum sticking to his shoes. "You can take this down to the principal and see what he has to say." He threw the book down on Luke´s desk and a couple of droops splashed against Luke´s face. Luke kept his head down while he quickly packed his things and stood and walked out the door.

* * *

Noah stood outside the principal's office after the class was over, and after a few moments a gloomy expression on his face. Noah walked up to him and couldn´t help but gasp when Luke raised his head. His eyes had been swallowed by two dark wholes, threatening to take over Luke´s soul.

"What did he say?" asks Noah as he hands over Luke´s bag. He sees Luke blink before taking his bag and says in a low voice: "I have to pay 100 $ for the book, and until then I´m suspended. I don´t have that kind of money." Without another word Luke turns around and walks towards the parking lot.

"Where are you going?" Noah asked as he ran to catch up to Luke. Luke didn´t even stop but simply said over his shoulder, while he continued to walk away: "To work, so I can make some off the money."

Noah watched as Luke walked up to his truck, noticing how beat up it was. It was a miracle that it could start. Noah looked as Luke pulled out of the spot and drove off the school grounds. He pulled out his phone and tripped his foot as he waited for it to be picked up in the other end.

* * *

Luke felt like he was in a daze the whole day. He didn´t see the looks he got when Aaron and Casey walked into the diner and when he finally made it home, he walked with a heavy heart to the small dresser and opened a drawer. Out of it, he pulled a letter and with shaking hands walked to the small table and sat down. After staring at the envelope for what seemed like forever, he slowly opened it and unfolded the letter. The sight of his grandmother´s handwriting had tears filling his eyes.

_Dear Luke,_

_When you read this I will not be there for you anymore. I´m so sorry that I don´t get a chance to see you grow up to the man that I knew you were born to be. _

_I will always be there for you, just trust your heart and I know that you´ll do the right thing. You were meant to do great things._

_I love you for always, my darling._

_Love Emma._

After draying the tears that spilled from his eyes away, Luke took a look on the second page off the letter. It was a bank statement, which Emma had started for him so he could go to college. Luke sat long and stared at the pieces of paper, before he made a decision. `Sorry, grandma, but we both know I´m not going to college.´ He whispered as he starred out into the dark night.


	8. Life

Title: Life  
Chapter: 7  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Noah helps Luke  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Casey, Kevin, coach, nurse  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

Luke Snyder used to have dreams.

He used to dream that anything was possible. He dreamed that the he´ll would go to college and get a degree in journalism. He dreamed that he would find that special someone, that someone who he would fall in love with and grow old with.

He used to believe his grandmother Emma, whenever she told him, that everything was possible. But now Luke didn´t believe it anymore, he knew it wasn´t true. He sometimes wondered what unlucky star he had been born under.

He knew that he wouldn´t go to college, he might not even finish high school. What did it matter anyway? He would get a job and an apartment, and make a life on his own.

He knew that he would never find love, who would want him? Sometimes Luke would lay awake, thinking about it. He wondered what it was like to kiss that special someone, where you would lose yourself in the kiss and everything else would get hazy and you didn´t care about anything else beside the kiss and the other person.

He wondered what it would be like to make love, not just to anyone but to that someone special. To fell that connection as two became one, to trust another person enough to completely lose yourself and trust the other person to protect you. Luke once wondered if he was going to be a virgin his whole life.

* * *

Noah was standing in the locker room which was filled with noise as everybody was changing into their gym clothes. Noah looked around and saw Luke standing as close as he could against the wall in the corner closest to the door, trying to take up as little space as possible. Noah watched as Luke lifted his shirt over his head and Noah couldn´t help but gasp when he saw Luke´s arm. They had bruises on them; they were small bruises on each one of Luke´s biceps.

Noah stared at the bruised, wondered what had made them, when he noticed that he was wringing his fingers together. He looked down at his hands and suddenly alarms bells went off in his head. He looked horrified up at the bruises and then back down at his hands. It was a perfect match, the small bruises on Luke´s arm had been made by someone squeezing on Luke´s biceps with their hands.

When Noah looked again Luke was busy tying the strings in his shorts and Noah couldn´t take his eyes of Luke´s body. For a few seconds he just stared at the soft looking skin, but then he noticed how thin Luke really was. He was about to try and make his legs walk over to Luke, when Luke bent down, showing his ass at Noah, picked up his t-shirt and after putting it on, he slowly made his way into the bathroom.

Noah kept looking at the door to the locker rooms, waiting for Luke to emerge from them. He finally made it into the gym just before the coach blew his whistle, making everybody stop talking. "Today we´re going to play basketball," he said after the room had quieted down. "Hughes. Johnson, you´re the captain´s, pick your team and Hughes, you´re picking first." Noah heard the boy named Johnson sigh and whispering to the boy standing next to him. "D'amn, we´re gonna get Luke."

Noah looked at Luke to say if there was some kind of reaction but Luke just kept looking down at the floor, only shifting from foot to foot.

* * *

Noah heard Casey and Kevin snickering and turned to look at them. Casey was standing with a basketball in his hands, dribbling it once in a while. They talked some more and snickered again before Casey started dribbling again. He then waved at another boy standing on the other end of the court before pointing to him, to walk somewhere. Noah turned around with dread and watched as the boy walked closer to Luke, who was walking to the far corner of the court.

Noah felt it as if he was tongue tied as he watched Casey pick the ball up and bounced it a couple of times before shooting it off. He watched in horror as the ball flew right towards Luke´s head and Noah really wanted to yell to Luke, to get him out of the way. But it was like his tongue had doubled in size.

Noah grimaced as he watched the ball make contact with the back of Luke´s head, hurling him forward, stumbling, and trying to get his footing again after he was trusted forward. But Luke didn´t find his footing again, instead he tumbled to the ground and he didn´t have time to use his arms to break the fall. Instead he slammed his face and nose down into the floor. Suddenly the room exploded with noise and Noah heard Kevin, Casey and the other boy laughing so hard, they nearly tumbled over. He saw Luke roll onto his side and covering his nose with his hands.

Noah ran to Luke and crunched down next to him. He gently put his hand on Luke´s shoulder and said in a gentle voice, when he saw that Luke flinched: "Let me see, I won´t hurt you." He carefully pulled Luke´s hands away and watched as blood ran out of the nose and his whole face was getting redder by the second. "Can you stand?" He asked Luke as he helped onto his legs. Noah looked towards the coach, who hadn´t said a thing and he saw that he too was laughing, but when he saw Noah looking at him; he looked down at his board and concentrated very heard on the papers on it.

Noah carefully wrapped an arm around Luke and guided him out to the bathroom in the locker room. He gently placed Luke on the toilet after putting down the lid, and wet a few napkins and placed them on the bridge of Luke´s nose. He watched as Luke flinched and started to pull away. "Why are you doing this?" asked Luke and looked at Noah with bright eyes, which was overflowing with tears.

"I want to help you," Noah simply stated and pulled the napkins away. He gently touched the nose with his forefinger and heard Luke hiss. "Stay here," said Noah as he stood up and made to leave the bathroom. "Where are you going?" Luke asked in a trembling voice. "I´m just going to tell the coach that I´m taking you to see the nurse, I think your nose is broken."

* * *

The nurse looked at Luke´s nose, turning and twisting it around and ignoring Luke´s whimpers of pain. "Do you have to do that?"Noah asked getting angrier every time he heard Luke whimper. "Yes," she huffed, "I have to make sure it´s not broken."

Satisfied she tapped it up, and then told Luke and Noah to hurry to their next classes before the bell rang. Luke walked over the small mirror, which hung over a small sink. He put his face really close to the mirror, almost touching it, and turned his face first to the right and then to the left, examining his nose. He sighed and then turned to Noah. "Thanks for helping me, you didn´t have to do that."

"Off course I did," Noah said and smiled at Luke. He winced as he saw Luke wince when he touched his nose. "Come on, let´s get to class before she comes back."

Luke looked and at him for a few moments before he walked to the door. He looked over his shoulder when he heard footsteps behind him and saw that Noah was behind him. He gave him a smile before he looked down to the ground. He looked up as he heard Noah´s voice: "You should smile more often, you´ve got a great smile." Luke looked up at Noah before turning to open the door.


	9. Friends

Title: Friends  
Chapter: 8  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke and Noah work together on a school project  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Winston, Casey, Mr. LaDue  
Genre: Drama, au, angst,  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work. 

Noah walked in after Luke and they both sat down at the same table. Noah saw Luke looking at him and he smiled at Luke, this caused a blush to cover the blonde's cheeks and he looked down onto the table. Noah couldn´t help but smile at that.

"Settle down class," said Mr. LaDue as he walked to the teacher´s desk, where he placed his bag on top of it and looked out over the class. "Today is going to be a little different, because I have to go to a meeting you´ll be alone for the rest of the day, where you´ll have to work on an essay. You can decide what the essay is about, but it has to be at least a 1000 words. You know have 5 minutes to make the groups."

Noah watched the rest of the class form groups, but once again Luke just sat there, slowly packing his books away. "You wanna write together?" Noah asked as he leaned closer to Luke, and watched as Luke shivered before he looked up at him shyly. After a few seconds Luke, he nodded his head yes. Luke watched as Noah smiled widely at him and after a few seconds, he smiled.

"You wanna write with us?" Noah heard Casey ask and turned to face him. "No, I´m with Luke," answered Noah and looked at Luke and smiled. He frowned as he saw the blond cast a shy glance up at Casey and then quickly looking down onto the tabletop.

"Why?" asked Casey after Noah had turned to look at him again, Casey looked at Noah like he was crazy.

"Because I want to," Noah said short and simply and turned around to face Luke again. He watched as the blond lifted his head and looked up at Noah, but when his eyes met with Noah´s the blonde quickly looked down onto the tabletop again.

"He´s with the f'aggot," Noah heard Casey say across the class making the rest of the classroom laugh, Noah even saw Mr. LaDue smiling at the comment. Noah sat stunned that even the teacher found it funny; he felt eyes on him and looked to his left where Luke was sitting. He was looking at Noah with those big, brown eyes, and in them Noah could see so much sorrow.

"You can work with them," he said in a small voice, only above a whisper, "I don´t mind." He held Noah´s stare before he turned around to focus on the paper, he heard Noah say: "I meant what I said, I want to work with you."

Luke froze and then looked at Noah again, this time Noah could have sworn that he detected some hope in Luke´s big eyes. He smiled at Luke and then watched Luke smile back.

* * *

As Winston walked through the front door to his house, he could hear his son talking to someone in the living room. Curious he walked into the living room and saw his son sitting at the dining room table with his laptop open, typing away.

"Hello son," he said and saw the other boy freeze before looking at him with the biggest brown eyes, he had ever seen. "Hi dad," Noah said and Winston looked at him again and smiled. "This is Luke." As the boy named Luke heard himself being introduced, he scrambled to his feet and hurried towards Winston. "Hello sir, I´m Luke Snyder." He said as Winston took his extended hand into his to shake. "Hello Luke, nice to meet you, I´m Noah´s father Winston."

"What time is it?" Luke asked as he looked between Noah and Winston. Noah looked at the clock on the computer and said: "It´s ten minutes past two," both Winston and Noah watched the color leaving Luke´s face. "Crap," Luke muttered before becoming red in the face as he looked embarrassed at Winston. "I´m sorry sir for swearing, but I´m late and I really gotta go." Quickly he packed his things together before jogging out the front door. After a few moments Noah and Winston could hear Luke´s old truck being started and then it driving away.

"What?" Noah asked as turned to face his father and saw that he was grinning back at him. "He´s nice," Winston said and couldn´t help a small laugh as he son rolled his eyes at him and groaned: "Dad!"

"What?" Winston asked and looked at Noah. "We´re just friends, so you can stop that now."

"Stop what now?" asked Winston and raised one eyebrow, making a questioning look at his son.

"That `I wonder if Noah has a boyfriend´-thing you´ve got going, I don´t," Noah said and finished packing his things and walked past his father to get to his room.

* * *

As Luke prepared for bed he looked at his reflections in the small mirror hanging above the sink, he saw the angry shade of red that colored his check, where Henry´s hand had struck him when he went into apologize for being late. He couldn´t help but wince when he touched it with his forefinger.

Luke quickly crawled under the blankets on his bed and closed his eyes, trying to sleep meanwhile thoughts about Noah went through his mind. He couldn´t help but smile whenever he thought about Noah, Luke wondered why he some so intent on spending time with him. However sometime during the night the thoughts turned and the memories about the people who, he used to call his friends turned into haunting dreams instead.

He woke with a scream and felt the sweat rolling down his back and for a few minutes he gasped for breaths as he tried to stop sobbing, at last he curled into fetal position clutching the old and tattered teddy bear Emma had given him for his 4th birthday.

The next day he arrived in school and walked to his locker he saw Noah, how concerned Noah look when he spotted him. He walked towards the blonde but he just looked at Noah with hardness in his eyes, which made Noah freeze in place. "Luke," he started as the blonde passed him but stopped when he heard the blonde hiss: "Leave me alone," before hurrying down the corridor to the classroom.


	10. Going against the world

Title: Going against the world  
Chapter: 9  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke has a flashback  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Casey, Kevin, Megan, Maddie, Holden, Aaron, Emma  
Genre: Drama, au, angst  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work. 

_5 year old Luke Snyder was walking happily alongside the cart; he had been allowed to go shopping with Holden and Aaron. Holden had told him to hold onto the cart as they shopped, which Luke did happily. But then Holden had met with a colleague and they had started talking._

_Now nearly 30 minutes later Luke had to pee and he lightly touched his forefinger to Holden´s leg. Holden look down at him and asked harshly: "What? Can´t you see that I´m talking," before he turned and faced the man again._

"_I have to go," Luke said in a little voice and looked down onto his sneakers. When Holden didn´t say anything Luke did anything he could to stop himself from peeing in the middle of the store – he crossed his legs so tight, that he wondered if he ever would be able to uncross them. But after some time Luke felt his legs starting to fall asleep. He uncrossed them and then felt the wetness running down his legs. _

"_Ha ha ha," Aaron started laughing as he came back to the cart after having been looking at toys in the next aisle, "you peed yourself." _

_Looking up at Holden Luke was met with angry glare from Holden. The former colleague excused himself and walked away. Suddenly Luke felt Holden hit him on the back of his head, and cringed as Holden said: "You´re such a disgusting pig, you can´t even hold yourself. Did you think it was funny embarrassing me in front of Thomas? Did you?" _

_Luke quickly shook his head as Holden had started pushing the cart toward the checkout lines. After paying for their items, Holden quickly packed everything up and packed the car._

_As Luke walked in through the screen door with his small arms filled with things, he nearly dropped the eggs but instead he dropped the bottle of juice making it land in the floor with a thud. Holden came in behind him and slammed the paper down onto the tabletop, "God, you can´t even carry the groceries. Is there anything that you can do?"_

_Luke put the eggs and the other things on the tabletop and grimaced as Holden grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs to his room. Luke tried his hardest to fallow along with Holden´s big steps but his small feet and legs couldn´t so when he tripped on the last step on the stairs, Holden ended up with almost dragging him. Luke expected them to go into the bathroom but when Holden dragged him past that, he started in a small voice: "But …" that was all he managed to say as Holden opened the door to his room, showing Luke inside the nearest corner._

"_Shut up, you bastard and stay here until I tell you otherwise," and with that Holden left, leaving the door standing open. Luke shivered but didn´t dare move. He could hear Holden and Aaron talking and laughing in the kitchen and a steady stream of tears started running down his small cheeks as he scolded himself in his mind for not being able to stop himself from peeing._

_The sun had gone down making the room dark, when Luke heard the screen door open and Luke heard his grandmother´s voice: "I´m home," she spoke and laughed at something being said. Luke heard her steps up the stairs and tried to make himself as small as possible, but when Emma stopped outside his room. "Luke, baby, are you in here?" she asked and turned on the lights before stepping inside; the smell of urine hit her. Luke winced as the sharp lights hit his sensitive eyes and slowly turned around, keeping his head down to embarrassed to look his grandmother in the eyes. He heard his grandmother gasped as she saw her grandson in the corner, his jeans still a little wet. _

"_I had an accident," he said in a small voice and the tears started rolling down his face again. Emma gasped before hurrying forward to take Luke into her arms, trying to comfort him. "Shh, it´s alright, remember accidents happen." She whispered into Luke´s ear._

_She lifted him up in her arms and kissed his forehead when he wrapped his arms and legs around her. She carried him to the bathroom where she sat Luke down on the closed toilet lid. "What happened?" Emma asked in a gentle voice as she helped Luke out of his clothes before preparing a bath for him. She listened intently as Luke told her the story, and Emma gasped as she saw the bruises on Luke´s arm from Holden´s hand._

_After Emma had helped Luke into the bathtub and kissed him on his forehead as he started to play with his toys, she stormed out of the bathroom and angrily made her way downstairs. Holden and Aaron were sitting in front of the TV, eating their dinner, when Emma walked up and grabbed the remote of the coffee table and shut of the TV. "What is wrong with you?" She almost yelled at Holden as she walked closer to him. _

"_What?" asked Holden as he sat up in the sofa and looked at Emma. "You called him a disgusting pig? He´s 5, not 15." Emma was now hovering over Holden, Holden stood up and said: "He embarrassed me," he said and looked Emma in the eyes, not backing down._

"_Big man," Emma said mockingly as she glared at Holden, making him squirm under her glaring gaze. "He´s a kid, all you needed to do was take him to the bathroom then nothing would have happened."_

_After a last angry glare from Emma, she made her way upstairs again and walked into the bathroom. There she found Luke sitting almost completely still. Emma sat down next to the tub and gently pushed to one of the ships flowing around in the water. "I´m sorry," Luke said softly and looked down into the water. Emma put a finger under Luke´s chin and turned his head. "Look at me baby," she said softly and waited for Luke to focus on her. "You have nothing to be sorry for, it´s not your fault. Do you understand?" asked Emma and smiled as Luke nodded. _

* * *

Luke shook his head and hastily whipped away a tear from his cheek. He felt a body sliding in the seat next to him and looked up and saw Noah´s smiling face looking at him.

"Hi," Noah said and smiled softly at Luke, he could clearly see the sadness in Luke´s eyes. All Noah wanted to do was to wrap his arms around Luke and never let go. But just as he was about to ask Luke what was wrong, the other students started coming through the door and the bell rang indication that school was starting.

* * *

Noah looked down at Luke, who hadn´t move an inch. All the other students were quickly packing their things together and making their way out of the classroom. Noah felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around, seeing Casey and Kevin standing behind him with Maddie and Megan. "Come on, we´re taking me car and going out for lunch," said Casey.

"No thanks, I gonna stay here with Luke," Noah said and went to turn away from the group, but Casey´s hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Do I understand this right, you´re ditching us to hang out with f'aggot?" Casey almost spat.

"Hey," Noah said and felt the anger starting to ignite in his belly. "His name is Luke, why don´t you use it?"

"Because he is a f'aggot," Kevin spat and slung his arm out to hit Luke, but Noah blocked his way and gave him a light shove in the chest. "What are you doing? What has he ever done to you?"

"Come on man, let´s get out of here," said Casey and slapped Kevin´s right bicep. Noah watched as the group of 4 made their way out of the door.

Noah turned around and saw that Luke had packed his things and was standing up. He looked him in the eyes and was thankful that the hurt he had seen there before was now gone. "Thank you," Luke said softly and gave Noah a light smile.

"I wanted to," Noah said and smiled back watching Luke´s cheeks becoming a light shade of red.


	11. The Sun Lights Up The Dark

Title: A smile lights up the dark  
Chapter: 10  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke has a flashback and Noah talk to his parents  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Charlene, Winston, Lily, Aaron  
Genre: Drama, au  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work. 

Luke Snyder had known almost from the time he was born, he had known that he was different from other kids. For starters he´d never had a father, h'ell he barely had a mother.

_11 year old rode his bike up the driveway and he watched as Aaron rode his own bike longer up the driveway. Ever since his grandmother had died, he tried to stay out of anyone's way. As he got closer to the house, he watched Aaron park his bike and run inside the house._

_He was almost at the house, when she came out. She was caring two bags in her hands and was walking swiftly towards her car. "Mom!" he called out but she ignored him as she put her bags in backseat. "Mom!" he called out again, but she got in the front seat, and quickly pulled her sunglasses on before pulling away from the house._

_Quickly Luke turned on his bike and drove after her, his little legs pushed down on the petals as fast as he could, but there was no way he could keep up with her and quickly lost sight of her. He kept pedaling all he could along the road, but then the road split into two ways. _

_Slamming the breaks, he quickly got the bike to a standstill. For what seemed like a lifetime for Luke, he kept looking down one road, then the next. _

_Trying to decide which way to go, but he couldn´t make a decision. "MOM!" he yelled before his legs gave out and he ended up sobbing on his knees meanwhile sobbing in his hands._

* * *

Noah was sitting at the table, trying to eat his dinner, but instead he just ended up pushing his pees around on the plate.

His mother and father kept looking at him, before Charlene leaned over and took the fork from him. Confused Noah looked up into the blue eyes of his mother, he could clearly see the concern in them.

"Honey," she said and placed a hand on top of his. "What's wrong?" But before Noah could say "nothing" Winston asked: "Is it about that boy who was here a couple of days ago?"

Noah nodded and picked up his bread before he started picking it to pieces. Gently his mother took the food out of his hands and said: "Why don't you try talking about it, instead of taking it out on the food." They shared a smile before Noah started speaking.

"There's this boy at school, Luke," he said and looked his mother in the eyes. And then he went on to tell he knew about Luke.

What he didn't notice, was the smile that spread across his face as he quickly lost himself in the thoughts of Luke. Charlene and Winston looked at each other and smiled.

* * *

For Luke it was still hard for him to believe that Noah actually wanted to spend time with him, to be his friend. Every morning when he woke up he convinced himself that today was the day, the day were Noah would grow tired of him and leave him alone.

Friendless.

He often wondered when Noah would get that Luke Snyder wasn't anyone to befriend. He couldn't wait to graduate, so he could get away from the people who didn't want anything to do with him.

If anything Luke knew how to blend in, how to make yourself invisible and not get noticed. Everything was better if you just kept your head down and minded your own business. Luke had learned that way the hard way. As he crawled into bed that night, he looked at the picture of his grandmother and he could almost fell her wrapped him in her arms and hug him closely, as she used to do when he was younger. He pressed his fingers to his lips, before pressing those same fingers to the picture.

That night Luke Snyder had a smile on his face as he closed his eyes.

* * *

That night as Noah went to bed his thoughts circled around the pretty blond he had meet the first day of school. He thought about what kept on bringing such sadness to his eyes, but mostly he wondered what he could do to get rid of it. His heart almost broke every time he saw the sadness and loneliness creeping in, and taking over those beautiful eyes.

That night was the first time Noah Mayer dreamed of Luke Snyder.


	12. Luke Loses Hope

Title: Giving up  
Chapter: 11  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Luke and Noah share a moment  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Kevin and Casey  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work. 

Slowly Luke and Noah become closer over the next couple of weeks, but Noah could still feel that Luke kept him at least at arm's length all the time. He wanted desperately to get closer to the blond, he was slowly falling for him but he sensed that Luke wasn't ready for anything more than friends.

To Luke everything was still a mystery; Noah would smile at Luke every time he saw him. He would always sit next to Luke and whenever they had to work together in groups, he and Noah would always team up and work together.

But secretly it both scared Luke and gave him a warm feeling in his gut. It was nice to feel wanted, to feel that there was actually someone who wanted to spend time with him. But at the same time it scared Luke shitless, because at some point he knew that Noah, just like everyone else, would tire of him and leave him. Because if there was one thing that Luke had learned in his life, was to trust no one and that everyone leaves.

He found himself waiting for Noah every day, trying desperately to ignore the voice echoing in his head, screaming that Noah would soon find out the truth and leave him like everyone else.

Noah walked into the classroom and wasn´t surprised to see Luke sitting there, nibbling at toast bread while he was trying to get done with his homework. He didn´t even look up when Noah sat down next to him, he simply just kept working on his homework.

"Hi," Noah said softly and looked at Luke's profile and he couldn't help but smile a little. He saw Luke looking at him from the corner of his eyes, and he smiled even bigger. "Hi," Luke said and went back to his homework. Noah could feel an itch in his fingers, to take Luke in his arms and kiss him silly.

"What are you working on?" Noah asked as he leaned a little closer to Luke. He saw Luke unconsciously lean a little closer to Noah also. "Math," Luke said and scribbled something down in his work book. Noah just smiled as he leaned back in his seat and looked at Luke as he continued to work.

_After Emma's death it was clear to Luke that he was alone, there was nobody he could talk to and nobody to help him. Help him against the bullies that seemed determinate to make his life a living hell. A week after Emma's death the bullying had begun. _

_Out of nowhere to large hands were placed on his shoulders and he was thrown into his looker, head first, making him seeing stars. Before he'd have a chance to react he was twisted around and an angry face where within an inch of his face. Luke could the hatred and distaste in them and he glanced down to the ground. _

"_It's about time you learned your place," a deep voice grumbled in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. "You're nothing and it's about time, you started acting like it." Luke held his breath as he felt the hands letting go and he slumped down to the floor, watching a pair of feet walk away, he didn't dare look up to see who they belonged to. _

The bell rang, indicating that school was over for the day, and Luke quickly packed his backpack. He was already late for his shift at the dinner. He could feel Noah following him out into the parking lot and over to his car.

"Luke," Noah began and put a hand on his left arm, making Luke freeze in his tracks. Luke could feel the electricity cursing through his body, emitting from where Noah's hand rested on his arm. The feelings tugged at his heartstring, causing a feeling, which had been buried since his grandmother's death, to run through his body. But then a wave of freight ran over him, and he turned toward Noah, yanking his arm away from Noah.

"Leave me alone," he yelled at Noah before he climbed into his truck. As Luke looked up into the rearview mirror as he drove out of the parking lot, he hoped that Noah hadn't noticed the tears in his eyes. The last thing he saw was Kevin and Casey making their way over to Noah.

Finally letting the tears fall, a sense of serenity washed over him. If he could just make it through this last year of high school he could leave this h'ellhole and he would never look back.


	13. Saying Goodbye

Title: Saying Goodbye  
Chapter: Chapter 12  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Noah thinks about his feelings and Luke tries to keep going  
Characters: Noah, Luke, Casey, Aaron, Holden, Kevin, Charlene  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings:  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work. 

**AN:** I'm so sorry for the very long wait, hopefully there are still people who will read this story. I will try to be better at updating my stories

Luke spent the rest of the day in a haze, it wasn't until he got home that he realized that he'd lost his only friend. Surely Noah would hate him now, after Casey and Kevin had told him all about him. He allowed the tears, which had pulled in his eyes, to fall as he thought about what it had been like to actually have a friend. Somebody who would sit next to him, talk to him and genially seemed happy every time he saw him. But Luke knew he was bound to be alone the rest of his life, after all, who wanted to be friends with a loser.

_Two year old Luke toddled into the living room and towards where Holden was sitting and watching television. "Daddy," Luke happily squealed while he looked up at Holden and keeping a tight grip on the sofa, as so he wouldn't fall down on his butt. Holden froze and turned to the child, a fire burning in his eyes. He gripped Luke's little arms tightly and shook him while he all but screamed in his little face: "I'm not your father." The tears started forming in Luke's eyes and soon he was crying like there was no tomorrow. Holden stood Luke on the ground and while keeping a firm grip in his right arm, he slapped Luke's butt while he yelled: "Sh*t up, bastard," and let gave Luke a light shove, so he fell back down on his butt. Big fat tears rolled down his cheeks and his bottom lip quivered, as he stared into the side of the sofa. _

The next morning Luke stood at his locker, trying to find the textbook he needed for the next class. He felt someone touch his shoulder and he turned around quickly around, coming face to face with Noah. Luke turned back to his locker and said: "What do you want?"

"I wanna talk about what happened yesterday," Noah said and touched Luke on the shoulder again. Hurt flashed in his eyes as he watched Luke brushed his hand off his shoulder. "Well, I don't want to talk about it." Luke said and picking some lint of his shirt. "Please Luke, please let's just go somewhere and talk." Noah pleaded as he watched Luke's face. But Luke wouldn't look at Noah anymore and soon the bell rung, signaling the beginning of class. Noah keep stealing glances of Luke, but it was as if didn't even know he was there. He just kept looking down in his workbook and furiously scribbling on a piece of paper.

Noah watched as Luke hurried out of the school building towards his car, getting in and driving off. He felt the need to follow him, he didn't know why but there was something about Luke that made him want to get to know him better. But before he could even take a step towards his car a hand on his shoulder stopped him and made him turn around. Behind him were Kevin, Aaron and Casey.

"What do you want?" asked Noah and turned his head, looking in the direction where Luke had driven off in. "We wanted to know if you wanted to hang out?" Aaron asked and Noah could tell he was the leader of the threesome standing in front of him.

"No, I can't today. I have to get home," said Noah and made his way towards his car in the parking lot. "Come on, what are you? A goodie to shoes?" Said Kevin and the three of them laugh. "I have to go," said Noah and walked off to his car.

As Noah walked into his house, he was greeted to the smell of the homemade cookies Charlene was just pulling out of the oven. He went to her and kissed her cheek and took a deep breath. "Mmm," he said as he exhaled. "Hello sweetheart," Charlene said and smiled at Noah as he plopped down at the kitchen table.

Charlene watched her son for a few moments before taking out a plate of the cupboard, and placing some cookies on it and pouring two glasses of milk. She placed the plate and glasses on the table before sitting down, opposite Noah. She watched as he mindlessly took a cookie and took a small bite of its edge. But before Charlene could ask what was bothering Noah, he asked her a question.

"Mom, what first attracted you to dad?" He asked and looked at her while he took a bite of the cookie. Charlene reached for a cookie and broke of a piece. "Well, his eyes and his smile, but what finally won me over was his sense of caring nature. Between you and me, I don't think that man has a mean bone in his body." Charlene said and both she and Noah couldn't help but laugh.

"Why do you ask?" Charlene asked and ate some of the cookie in her hands. "No reason, I was just wondering," Noah answered and finished the cooking in her hands. He stood and moved to walk past Charlene's chair as he said: "I'm gonna go and do my homework."

Charlene stood and stepped into Noah's path and when he looked up at her, she placed her left hand on his check and caressed it while she said: "If there's anything you want to talk about, you know your father and I are here for you, right?" Noah nodded before smiling at her and then walked past her to his room and shutting the door.

As Luke walked into the small cottage, he was so tired he could feel it deep in his bones. He quickly removed all of his clothes and then sat down on the bed. He gave a deep sigh and closed his eyes, and he would have fallen asleep if it wasn't for the fact the he really wanted to be lying down. He opened his eyes and his eyes fell on the picture of him and his grandmother, he felt a deep shame wash over him over at his grandmother should she him in the state. He gently picked up the picture and took it in both hands, he couldn't help the small smile that came by remembering his grandmother. He placed a gentle kiss on the picture and then he opened the bedside drawer and after a few long seconds he placed it face down, mean while he whispered: "I'm sorry grandmother, I'm sorry I'm such a big disappointment. With a heave heart Luke closed the drawer and laid his down on the mattress. He felt the tears gathering in his eyes and that night, he fell asleep with the tormenting voices ringing in his head.


	14. I Only Wanted To Help

Title: I only wanted to help  
Chapter: 13  
Rating: Pg-13  
Summary: Something happens to Luke and Noah tries to help  
Characters: Luke, Noah, Holden and the school nurse  
Genre: Drama, AU  
Warnings: Swearing  
**Disclaimer:** This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

AU: I'm sorry for the wait, if there are still people out there reading this story. Hopefully there'll be a chapter up later this week. Enjoy! :)

As the end of the month approached, Noah couldn't help but notice a chance in Luke's behavior. Meanwhile he struggled every day, to get a word out of the secluded boy; he seemed to get even more secluded and withdrawn. Noah would lie awake at night trying to come up with ways for him to cheer the blond up, but no matter what he did – nothing seemed to be helping.

* * *

Luke look at his childhood home and felt the bottom off his stomach drop out. He took several deep breaths and walked up the walkway connecting the house and his cottage.

Stopping a couple of steps from the door, he checked his pocket to make sure he had the envelope with the rent money. He couldn't wait for the day where he could leave this place in the dust of his beat-up truck and never look back. He walked the last steps and knocked on the door and inside he could hear Holden hollering: "Come in you twat." Luke opened the door and quickly closed the door again, before Holden could start complaining about the cold getting inside the house.

He walked inside the living room where Holden was lounging in an overstuffed leather chair; he looked up as Luke come in the room. "What do you want?" Holden asked before he took a long swig of the beer in his hand. Luke scampered to get the envelope out of his pocket as quickly as he could, and held it out for Holden to take while he stammered: "T-t-t-the rent, sir," and blushed a deep red. Holden always made him so nervous that he couldn't keep his composure. Before he knew what had happened Holden stood up and briskly walked over to Luke and yanked the envelope out of his hands. After he counted it and placed it in his back pocket of his pants, he turned to Luke and hovered over him; making Luke back up until he had the wall against his back. "You're late," he simply said and before Luke had noticed his raised hand he clobbered him in the right eye, and caused Luke to slam his head against the wall. He couldn't help the small noise, which escaped his lips and before he could do anything else, Holden had clobbered him again, this time hitting him in the left eye.

"There, now you match," Holden chuckled while walking back to the chair. "Now get the hell out of here," he said as he sat down and opened a new beer. Luke scampered to follow the order and all but ran out of the house and back to the cottage. He quickly walked to the small bathroom and cringed as he looked at his eyes. They were already starting to swell, thankfully the right one not as much as the left one. That meant that he could still go to work and earn his money. He pulled out a washcloth and ran it with water, before laying down on his mattress with the washcloth over his eyes.

* * *

Noah walked into class the next morning and he saw that nobody else was there. He walked over to the seat next to Luke, and sat down, determined to stay close to the blond and gaining his trust and friendship. The other student started to fill in the class and Noah fished his book out of his backpack while he was waiting for Luke. Finally he entered the class but when Noah saw him, he couldn't help the gasp escaping him. Luke had two huge black eyes, making the left eye so that it could only upon a sliver. He quickly rushed to the blonds side, and looked as Luke slowly turned his head and look at him with only the one good eye.

"What?" was the only thing he could stammer, while he helped Luke to sit in his seat and take of his backpack. "I don't want to talk about it," Luke sneered and fished his books out as the teacher walked indicating the beginning of class. Noah sat there, beside Luke, and several times he wanted to shout out: "Do you not see him?" to the teacher, as he didn't even blink at Luke's eyes. As the bell rang to indicate the break between classes, he grasped Luke's hand and started dragging him to the nurse's office, completely ignoring Luke's words of protest behind him.

An older woman looked up as they entered the office, and she smiled kindly at them as Noah made Luke sit down on the small bed. "What happened to you, dear?" She asked and rolled towards Luke on her small stool. "I walked into a door, can I go now?" Luke asked and looked down at his torn shoes. Noah looked flabbergasted at the nurse as she nodded and after a quick look to his eyes said: "Yes honey, you can go now." Quickly Luke hoped down from the bed and walked from the room. "How could you do that?" Noah asked unable to not raise his voice at the nurse. "What was that?"

"I can't help him if he doesn't want to be help, I've heard that story from him many times," the nurse said as she also walked out of the room, leaving Noah alone.

He found Luke at lunch, sitting in an empty classroom. He quickly walked to his side and sat down at the empty chair and turned to Luke. "What really happened to you?" He asked and watched as Luke stiffened before turning to him.

"Why the hell do you want to know?" Luke shouted and his eye blazed at Noah.


End file.
